Conflicted Heart
by Adrastia
Summary: A Wild Arms 2 fic about Antenora's conflicting feelings for Vinsfeld


Conflicted Heart  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
He's just standing there... Looking out of the window. I wonder if he's thinking of me? He probably is.  
He thinks that I love him. He really truly believes-  
Then it hits me... I love him too. Even though he killed my family I still love him. And I'm not even sure why. He destroyed everything that was precious to me, as if it never meant anything at all. Yet he loved me enough to allow me to live even after I told him who I truly was.  
What's wrong with him? Is he blind? Is he so lovestruck that he's completely convinced himself that I'd never try to seek revenge?  
But... I wouldn't seek revenge. Atleast not by killing him. I want Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus to feel the same pain that I felt so long ago... I want him to experience the agony of having all that you loved ripped away.  
I want to die. I want to die an agonizing death before his very eyes. I want his heart to shatter like fragile glass as he watches me breathe my last breath. Let him suffer like that for the rest of his life...  
  
Maybe he'll even commit suicide out of dispair. Plunge his sword through his blackened heart. My ghost would return to dance upon his grave.  
Then I see him sigh and all of the hate disappears. Why? He turns around to see me watching from the doorway and he smiles softly and holds his arms out to me.  
I walk over to him, I allow him to embrace me. He's warm....  
I can feel his lips on my neck, my chin, my cheeks. Then he kisses my mouth. He kisses quite well actually. I like it.  
He doesn't seem to realise what I plan to do to him. And when he's being so tender, like he is now.... I don't want to hurt him.  
The contradiction is driving me mad. I have never been so conflicted.  
I could just give him my heart and let the rest go. But my family.... My friends...  
On one hand I want to stay in his arms forever...  
But the part of me that is still burning with hate... That part hopes that he'll one day find my corpse being devoured by wild animals.  
I plan to be tragicly killed. A martyr to his sins, and to my own revenge.  
  
If my mother were alive she'd scold me for thinking such morbid thoughts. But she's not alive.... And it's his fault.  
  
He's a cruel and cold man to everyone but me. He treats me with such tenderness...  
When he whispers my name he sets my heart on fire. But there are times when the mere sound of his voice ices over my very soul. And now, because of him my hands are just as bloody...  
Yet if I were to just give in....  
But I won't!  
He picks me up and carries me to his room. Our room actually. I rarely sleep in my own bed anymore.  
He's a good ten years older than me. Maybe a little more. But he's still very handsome and quite strong. His body is like smooth marble. It's very nice to touch, and I do enjoy touching him.  
Soon he starts removing my clothes. He enjoys undressing me. First I thought I was just letting him do this so I could make him fall in love with me. Then I thought I was using him for pleasure as well. But now....  
Soon his body is also bare and he's holding me so close that I can feel the fire in his heart.  
"Antenora...," he whispers softly. And there are no more words after that. Atleast there are none that are very coherent.  
When we are done I pretend to fall asleep. I do that alot. Hoping that he'll say something cruel about me. Something that will push me over the edge and tear away the love that I feel for him. But he never says anything like that. All his words are filled with love. And they are all sincere.  
He holds me close, pulling me against him. I can hear his heart. He tells me he loves me. His lips lightly brush my forehead.  
And when I am certain that he's fallen asleep I loosen myelf from his strong embrace (it isn't easy), and I look at his face. I stare into it trying to force my contempt. Many times I have thought of killing him in his sleep. He's so trusting of me. All I'd have to do is hide a knife under the bed....  
But I could never bring myself to do it...  
He's even more handsome in his sleep.  
I settle back into his arms and lay my head against his chest. It feels so comforting...  
I hope that whatever I decide to do, it won't leave my soul tainted with regret...  
~Fin~ 


End file.
